Will You Defend Marriage?

In addressing the issue of divorce, Jesus described God’s design for marriage:

⁴ “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ ⁵ And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one’” Matthew 19:4–5 (NLT).

I am asking if you as a Christian, a follower of Jesus, will you defend marriage?

Our President has decided that he will not defend marriage.  News services reported on February 23, 2011 that President Obama had ordered the Department of Justice to stop defending the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), a law passed by the U.S. Congress in 1996.

DOMA defines marriage as a legal union between one man and one woman for the purposes of federal laws.  It also says that no state may be required to recognize a same-sex marriage from another state.  DOMA was passed by large majorities in both houses of congress (342 to 67 and 85 to 14) and signed into law by President Clinton.  In addition to DOMA, thirty-three states have passed laws or constitutional amendments affirming traditional marriage.  There has been a very strong affirmation of traditional marriage at all levels across our nation.

In spite of this the gay rights movement and many influential people in government, academia, the media and business worlds have continued to press hard for the acceptance and legalization of gay marriage.  Their persistence is paying off and the attitudes of Americans are changing. 

On Friday May 20, 2011 Gallup reported that for the first time since they began tracking American views on same-sex marriage that a majority of Americans now support the legalization of same-sex marriage.  “53 percent of the public thinks marriages between same-sex couples should be recognized by law as valid. Forty-five percent are against it” (Christian Post May 22, 2011).  Last year the polling was the opposite.  53 percent opposed the legalization of same-sex marriage and 44 percent supported its legalization.

If you are going to defend marriage, you must embrace Jesus’ teachings and be aware of the fallacies and duplicity in same-sex marriage arguments.  Whether or not same-sex marriage becomes legalized at the federal level, we as Christians should defend marriage as Jesus defined it.

The following are key points in the argument for the legalization of same-sex marriage:

1. Marriage is a civil right.
2. Same-sex couples are denied marriage.
3. Therefore same-sex couples are being denied their civil rights.
4. Opponents of same-sex marriage are homophobic, bigoted and hateful.
5. If two people love each other they should be able to marry.

Here is my response:

The proponents assume what is at the very heart of the debate.  The key issue is ignored in the argument.  That issue is the definition of marriage.  They define marriage as a special government-recognized relationship between two individuals as allowed by law.  This of course must include same-sex couples, but it does not include everyone.

Marriage has never been a homosexual, it has always been heterosexual.  But in the debate this limitation on the definition of marriage is ignored and marriage is simply redefined.  Additionally, they say that the law should be changed to recognize same-sex marriages, but they are not proposing that it be changed to include marriages of more than two people.  Marriage has always been heterosexual, but it has not always been monogamous.

I have often seen news reports showing signs saying things like “love wins,” “love makes a family” or “it is wrong to deny marriage to people who love each other.”  In spite of this, if the proposed same-sex marriage laws prevail, marriage will still be prohibited for people who love each other.  Polygamous marriage will not be allowed.  Incestuous marriage will not be allowed and adult-child marriage will not be allowed.

I am opposed to the legalization of all of these, including same-sex marriage.  My point is that the issue is not just about love or equal rights.  There are people in all of the previously mentioned relationships that are denied legal marriage who could make the very same arguments as proponents of same-sex marriage.

On what basis will the same-sex marriage proponents oppose polygamy?  Incest and adult-child marriages could be opposed on grounds of abuse.  But their have been adult cousins and other relatives who have been in love with one another and desire to stay together as a couple.  There have also been teen-agers who have fallen in love with young adults, but are prohibited from marrying.

Incest is opposed on the grounds that it increases the risk of genetic disorders for offspring.  But homosexual sex and promiscuity increase the risk of the transmission of the HIV virus and other sexually transmitted infections.  There are no proposals for these activities to be outlawed.

The main point here is that the supporters of same-sex marriage claim that they want equal rights for everyone who loves, but in reality they are limiting the extension of marriage rights only to same-sex couples.

The same-sex marriage proponents are changing the definition of marriage based upon the argument of civil rights, but they are not opening up marriage to everyone who might love and want to be married.

Marriage has always been heterosexual—historically, culturally, religiously and biblically.  The same-sex marriage proposal is not about equal rights for everyone.  It is not an end to the government regulation of who can and cannot marry.  All people who love one another and desire to marry will not have the right to marry.  The government will still regulate marriage—it will decide who can and cannot marry.

Therefore the fight is not fundamentally about love or equality, it is about redefining marriage.  But even with this understanding, redefining marriage and equal rights for all is not the fundamental issue for proponents of same-sex marriage.  The fundamental issue is having society affirm the moral equivalency of a homosexual relationship to heterosexual marriage.

Joe Solmonese of The Human Rights Campaign, an LGBT advocacy group, wrote in a 2009 letter to President Obama, “…we also are: human beings whose lives, loves and families are equal to yours.”  What same-sex proponents really want is the legal acceptance and affirmation of same-sex marriage on the same level and with equal protection and provisions as heterosexual marriage.

Marriage (not the redefined version) is and has been the fundamental building block of cultures and societies.  Marriage has been the culturally accepted partnership of a man and a woman through which children are born, nurtured and raised.  It has been a crucial stabilizing factor in society for building healthy families, and thus a healthy society.  Through marriage the society encourages men and women to commit to a life-long relationship through which they will bear and raise children.  This has been affirmed and rewarded by society and it is the best arrangement for society.

Children need stability; they need a mother and a father.  To say that a homosexual relationship is the equivalent of a heterosexual marriage says that either moms or dads are irrelevant and unnecessary.  You can have a mom and a dad, two moms, or two dads.  It really does not matter.

But you can’t simply have two moms or two dads—the formation of a new life requires both a father and a mother—that is God’s design in creation.  If a child does not have both his father and his mother, he or she has experienced a significant loss.

My father died when I was three.  I had a stepfather for a number of years, but I also lived in a single-parent household.  I understand the life of a single parent and have great sympathy for single parents.  We as a church love and support single parents and their families.  But I still believe that the ideal is heterosexual marriage and family.

Today marriage is not only being challenged by same-sex marriage, but is also being undermined by promiscuity, no-fault divorce, pornography, unwed couples and the government entitlements which often make it more economically beneficial not to marry—even if you do have a partner and/or children.  I have known single women both young and old who do not marry their male partner because they will lose government benefits.  In this way our government and society undermine marriage.

In The Telegraph (online edition) on March 1, 2011 I read an article about another dangerous development that has occurred in England as same-sex marriage advances.  Eunice and Owen Johns of England have raised four children and fostered 15.  They are Christians, but now they have been denied by the courts the right to foster or adopt children again.  Why?  Because of abuse or neglect?  No, but because they do not affirm homosexuality.  In an interview the Johns were asked, “Would you tell a child it was OK to be homosexual?  The Johns replied that they would not.  They would love the child, but not endorse the lifestyle.

This article reported that a UK High Court had ruled that the government can require foster parents to endorse homosexuality.  Eunice Johns said that she had worked with homosexuals as a nurse and never had any problems.  She said that if the issue ever arose with a foster child that she would ask social services for a professional deal with it.  The Johns said that they must live by their Christian convictions and that the real losers are the children who will be denied loving homes.

There is a great battle going on over marriage in our culture and world.  This battle is not just about legalizing marriage, but it is also about changing the core values of all people regarding marriage.  As this battle continues more and more people including Christians are changing their views on marriage.  As Christians we do have a difficult task, because the media, educational institutions, celebrities, businesses and politicians have all joined this campaign to change the way people think about marriage.

Besides the propaganda and duplicity that I have outlined above an even more effective strategy is the labeling of opponents to the legalization of same-sex marriage as homophobic, hateful and bigoted.  Opposition to the legalization of same-sex marriage does not indicate that one fits any of these pejorative descriptions.  On moral and biblical grounds we can support traditional marriage and oppose same-sex marriage, polygamy, polyamory, promiscuity, unwed parenting, extramarital sexual activity, incest etc…without being motivated by hate.  We can oppose these things out of our love for God and for people, because we believe that God’s design in creation is the best for all people and cultures.

Jesus gave us the biblical description of marriage in Matthew 19:4-6:

• It is male and female
• The husband and wife are united as one
• They are joined together by God
• No one is to separate the union

As a follower of Jesus will you defend marriage as created by God?  I pray that you will, for the glory of God and the good of culture for generations to come.